Begrudgingly, I made my way to the dining room with Celeste. Everyone was just starting to gather in. I saw Nac walk in with a brief case. What the fuck? A brief case? Really? Is she really trying to be like Ace Attorney? I do not like that girl one bit.
I sat down between Celeste and Mooon Man. Across from me was a cardboard cut out of Ned, which immediately depressed me. I looked over at Celeste, taking a dry gulp before I spoke.
"Can we switch seats please?" I asked her.
She tilted her head in confusion at first, but when she looked over to the other side of the table she understood.
"Sure!" she immediately got up and switched seats with me.
"Do I smell bad or something?" Mooon Man asked jokingly, which kind of pissed me off, but I just ignored him rather than answered him. I'd rather not fight, especially since he probably didn't mean anything bad by the joke.
Tanezumi backflipped onto the table and pulled out a remote from her pocket. She giggled before she spoke.
"Alright everyone, this is how this is gonna work. You're going to gab boringly about the murder, share your stupid evidence that you gathered from the investigation, and come to a conclusion. When you come to a conclusion and you guess right, the murderer will be executed! If you guess wrong, you'll all be executed and the murderer will go free." she explained to us all, ready to press the button on her remote before she remembered something. "Oh! I almost forgot! I'll have my good companion and pal Emoji here to make sure things go smoothly."
She shouted her friends name loudly before a woman with a TV for a head walked in. I had to do a double take. What the fuck? This place gets more ridiculous as time passes!
"Hello, I am Emoji. If you need me to help you explain your evidence, just ask for my assistance by saying 'Emoji, Help'." Emoji explained to us.
"And they don't have to answer stupid questions for that right?" Tanezumi asked her, seeming to be a bit irritated.
"I was deprogrammed that function from my system for the trial purposes." Emoji reminded her.
"Perfect! LET THE TRIALS BEGIN!" she laughed before smashing the red button on the remote, which made the ceiling spread apart and reveal Uncle Grandpa, Pizza Steve, Mr. Gus, Tiger, and Billy Baggins tied up and suspended by ropes above us.
"What is the purpose of this exactly?" Mr. Gus sighed.
"To keep with tradition!" Tanezumi laughed as she took a seat behind a podium that had been set up at the corner of the room.
Nac immediately stood up and opened her briefcase.
"Alright, so, I found something awesome that I didn't see anyone else point out in the room at all-" she began before Anthony interrupted.
"If it's not about how the victim was murdered we don't need to hear it yet." Anthony told her.
"Excuse me, Mr. Never Talks Except To Interrupt Queens, but do YOU have a brief case? No? Then shut up and let me fucking talk!" Nac hissed.
"Ah, but Miss Nac, I do believe it would be best to speak of the murder in an organized fashion. I know you want to present what you have found, but it will be hard to follow if we do not discuss step by step." Villefoe reasoned with her.
"Well yeah... I guess..." Nac sighed and sat down.
"Ned got murdered brutally and there can only be one person who could have murdered him..." Chester began.
"Oh no...." Mooon Man put his hand over his face and sighed.
"Paul McCartney!" Chester slammed his fists on the table. "That dirty bastard! It's all Kanye West's fault for summoning him with that song 'Only One'!"
I heard several groans around the table, including my own.
"My father is so much better at rapping! And at least he doesn't summon Paul McCartney when he does! Ughh... I-" Chester began to rant, but Anthony interrupted him.
"If you truly believe Paul McCartney did it you are delusional and didn't do enough research and here's why..." Anthony cleared his throat before folding his hands over the table neatly. "As you know, Ned was mangled pretty badly. He was also decapitated and it looked like he was in the process of having his skull removed but it was stopped half way through."
"Why?" Gabriella asked.
"We'll get to the motive later. There are other things that need to be discussed in how he was killed before we get to why he was killed." Anthony explained.
"I believe Kev had an interesting observation." Villefoe told everyone, completely putting me on the spot which I did not appreciate.
"What?" I asked.
"Tell them what you were telling Celeste while you were in his room." he instructed me. Apparently I have to be careful with what I say, this asshole eavesdrops and then puts you on the spot.
"Well, the face that was crudely stuck onto the wall looks like it had been ripped off rather than cut off with a knife or sharp object." I admitted to them. "Or at least was started with a sharp object and then just ripped off. He also had a claw mark on his cheek."
"Well that makes you really suspect, Villefoe!" Belly pointed out. "You have sharp claws."
"Indeed. But who else could easily scratch or tear off someone's face with their bare hands around here?" Villefoe asked with a calm demeanor. Too calm. If you were suspected of murder I'd think you'd be a lot more defensive, right?
"Charlie and Chester have claws, Bromanor and Xarna have brute strength, and Gabriella has long nails." Akira pointed out. "So it would be fair to say Villefoe, Chester, Charlie, Bromanor, Xarna, and Gabriella are some prime suspects going on that evidence alone."
"Let's go even further than that" Nac said opening her brief case. "Emoji, Help. Please show a diagram of blunt head trauma."
Emoji's screen immediately made a diagram of a person with blunt head trauma. There was even a little indent in the head and a crack in the skull.
"From this diagram, we can see how blunt head trauma works. Now, if you remember correctly, the autopsy said that Ned suffered a blow over the head with a blunt object. There was also clearly a struggle with the bruises on his wrists and other small scratches that indicate a struggle. If Bromanor or Xarna really did it, they wouldn't really need to hit him over the head to incapacitate him, because that's what the blow on the head looked like, especially with the position it was in, which was on the back of his head." Nac explained. Her voice was annoying, but she seemed pretty thorough. "The murderer, while in a struggle, must have thrown them on the ground before taking a blunt object and smacking him over the head with it. This made it easier to decapitate him."
"So that would rule out Bromanor and Xarna." Eddie nodded.
"Right" Nac nodded.
"Also, Gabriella's nails are not designed for scratching. They are long, but they are nothing like claws, so this also rules out Gabriella" Anthony said after inspecting a highly concerned Gabriella's hand.
"So this leaves Villefoe, Charlie, and Chester as our prime suspects" I said.
"Now let us discuss the surroundings of the murder and how the murderer even got in!" Nac exclaimed excitedly.
"We haven't discussed the murder weapon yet" Anthony told us.
"No she has a point, how did the murderer get in in the first place?" Celeste posed the question. "We could talk about the murder weapon, but what good is the weapon if we have no idea how they even got in the room?"
"Plus, this leads to the murder weapon anyways!" Nac told us before tapping her chin. "Which was actually a pretty interesting weapon. Actually yeah, let's talk about that first."
"Make up your mind!" I finally said out loud, a bit angrily.
"I did, jack ass!" she hissed back at me. "Anyways, the murder weapon was actually a dog leash with a collar that has a sharp blade ring on the inside. And guess where I found that?"
"Where?" some people asked in unison.
"In the room right next door to Ned's room!" Nac told us.
"HOW DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?" Chester seemed shocked. Too shocked. His reaction was a little uncalled for, but then again how else would you react to being a suspect of murder?
"The two-way mirror connecting your rooms was smashed!" Nac told him. "And whoever did not only hid the weapon in your room, but also hid the evidence of the glass shards in your rooms waste basket!"
Chester clenched his fist. "That DIRTY bastard!"
"Are you talking about yourself?" Anthony asked him, a sly grin on his face.
"WHAT?!?" Chester's eyes widened as he nearly jumped back.
"Oh please, this case was so fucking easy and whoever did their research on this case already knows the answer." Anthony replied.
"Basically!" Nac laughed.
"But you have no proof that it was me! Just because some asshole planted evidence in my room doesn't mean I did it!" Chester defended himself.
"Yeah, but the mirror was smashed into Ned's room not Chester's room" Celeste spoke up. "Right Kev? I know you must have seen it too."
God damnit! On the spot again! I sighed before answering. "Yes, I saw very small shards of glass on the floor next to the picture. Nac was inspecting it pretty thoroughly so it was hard to miss. Plus, the twinkling gave it away."
"The killer must have used my room to get to Ned's room, then!" Chester continued to defend himself.
"How would they get in without your key?" Villefoe asked.
"They smashed through my mirror!" Chester explained.
"Wrong!" Nac slammed her fist on the table. "Your mirror and the two-way mirror behind your picture were just fine! They'd need a key to get into your room!"
"They stole a key from me while I wasn't looking and gave it back!" Chester exclaimed.
"Give it a rest, will ya?" Anthony rolled his eyes.
"So you're saying I definitely committed the murder?" Chester asked.
"Pretty much." Anthony nodded.
A lot of gasps were heard around the table, especially a loud gasp from Chester. My head was spinning as I looked around at everyone's surprised faces. I couldn't believe someone here would kill my best friend! Anger was swelling inside of me as we sat in silence for a few moments. If this was true, I was going to throw my chair down and beat the shit out of that crazy wolf guy! I know Ned did something terrible the other day, but that doesn't mean you can kill him! Chester began to talk again, which just made me angrier.
"I-I don't understand..." Chester began to cry. "Why are you accusing me of doing such a terrible thing to someone?"
"There's 2 motives you would have for this, actually." Villefoe pointed out. "One would be the incident in the gym where Ned threw kitchen waste at Honey..." Villefoe didn't even get to say anything more when Chester snapped and interrupted him.
"BUT CHARLIE WAS THERE TOO! MAYBE CHARLIE WAS UPSET AND KILLED HIM AND PLANTED THE EVIDENCE IN MY ROOM BY SOMEHOW MAGICALLY GETTING IN THERE!" Chester shouted tearfully, whining and cracking a few times.
"Don't pin this on me!" Charlie growled.
"It's impossible for Charlie to have gotten into your room without busting into it." Anthony pointed out. "And there's no evidence that your mirrors have been shattered nor any evidence that your door's lock was messed with."
"He could have picked the lock or something!" Chester pleaded.
"Well here's the 2nd motive of yours" Villefoe cleared his throat. "Nac, tell him."
"You have a giant skull collection!" Nac told everyone.
"That means nothing! Don't drag my hobby into this!" Chester hissed.
"WAIT! She's right!" I immediately shouted, thinking back to when Ned nudged my arm and pointed out this guy's weird hobby. "Do you remember what Ned asked you at breakfast before the incident, Chester?" I asked him.
"W-What?" Chester asked.
"He asked you a question, and it's actually pretty important to what's going on right now and will about sum up what YOU fucking did" I snapped. I may be wrong or right, but from what everyone was discussing at this table, I have a pretty good idea of how and why Ned was murdered.
"What did he ask me? I don't remember!" Chester looked puzzled.
"He asked you if you would ever get your hands on all 4 Beatles members. And do you remember how you replied?" I was shaking with rage, and I think it showed in my voice as well.
"I told him how I wanted Paul McCartney's skull" he replied.
I balled up my fists and bit my lip. Celeste put her hand on my arm in an effort to comfort me, but I felt too far gone at that point. I wanted to jump across the table and slap the shit out of him. But I had to give my theory on what happened, whether I was right or wrong. Anthony or Nac may be able to confirm it for me.
"THIS is what fucking happened, after hearing everything everyone had to say about the case." I began, trying to hold back some tears. I had trouble constructing it together all in my head, and now I have to actually talk about it. "Chester was very upset about what happened to Honey. So upset he began to believe Ned was really Paul McCartney in disguise. With this theory in mind, Chester barged in through the two way mirror after seeing Ned was just alone sitting on his bed with books, fought him, knocked him over the head with something before putting that dog collar on him and ripping his head off." my voice cracked and I had to cough and try to hold back tears. "And then with that head he began to pull his skull out by ripping off his face, as Anthony said the murderer did. At that point he must have realized he didn't actually kill Paul McCartney, because the shape of his skull wasn't the correct size, and of course a collector of skulls would know enough about skulls to see that. So he stuck the face on the wall, tossed his head aside, and hid the rest of the evidence in his room!"
"That's crazy!" Chester shouted.
"Okay, I'm bored! This has gone on for too long! Have you found your killer yet?" Tanezumi yawned.
"Yeah. It's definitely Chester." Nac nodded.
"WAIT! HEY!" Chester hissed.
"Oh and look it that! You're right!" Tanezumi laughed. "Chester, you made it way too easy for them! I would tell you to try better next time, but you won't have a next time!"
"I DIDN'T KILL NED!" Chester screamed, tears streaming down his face.
Tanezumi rolled her eyes. "Here, maybe you forgot what happened. Let me roll the tape. Emoji?"
Emoji's screen flashed to a video of Chester sitting on his bed, examining a skull from his skull collection with the dog leash and a large red mallet sitting next to him. All of a sudden, a dark figure came out of no where and stood in front of Chester's mirror. Chester shot up from his seat and immediately grabbed the dog leash and the mallet, screaming something we can't hear because the video only has footage and no sound. The figure jumped through the mirror, breaking and shattering it all over Ned's room presumably as Chester followed. The next scene cut to Ned's room, where Ned sat on his bed with a terrified look on his face as he saw Chester come at him with the weapons. Chester tried to lasso the leash onto him, but Ned dodged and quickly made his way to his door. Chester threw his weapons down and immediately grabbed Ned and attempted to wrestle him to the ground. They struggled all around the room before Chester finally threw him down, picked up the red mallet, and bashed Ned's head in with it. He then put the leash around Ned's neck.
This is where I had a hard time watching, but I knew I couldn't look away. I put my hands over my mouth and began to cry as everything I theorized happened actually happened. He stepped on Ned's head as he ripped off the collar of the leash, ripping his head right off. He then immediately bent down and began to rip off Ned's face with his bare hands before realizing he killed the wrong person. He then stuck his face on the wall, tossed the head aside, and left the room.
"So you were pretty close with your theory, Mr. Peepants. Good job!" Tanezumi complimented me.
"But... I could have SWORN that was Paul McCartney!" Chester tried to excuse himself. "I-I'm sorry Kev... I-"
I glared at him. "I don't want to fucking hear it."
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Pizza Steve shouted from where he was tied up. "JUST WAIT ONE MINUTE! Can you go back to the part where the guy was jumping through the mirror as Chester followed and pause it please?"
"Emoji?" Tanezumi asked.
Emoji did just that.
"Now can you zoom in on that guy please?" Steve asked.
Emoji zoomed in on the figure, and sure enough that fucking asshole figure WAS Paul McCartney.
"THAT'S FUCKING PAUL MCCARTNEY! WHAT THE FUCK?!?" Mooon Man screamed, literally almost falling out of his chair.
"Well shit!" Steve sighed.
"I TOLD YOU I SAW PAUL MCCARTNEY! I TOLD YOU! I KNEW HE DID THREW THAT STUFF ON HONEY AND I THOUGHT NED WAS HIS DISGUISE!" Chester pointed out.
"Actually, I have a message from Paul McCartney to you." Emoji said before changing her screen to what looked like an interview with Paul McCartney.
"That's right! I threw all that stuff on Honey AND tricked Chester into killing Ned." Paul McCartney laughed on the screen. "And you wanna know how? It's because I am a shape shifter!"
Paul McCartney slowly morphed into Ned. He waved to the screen. "Isn't that convincing? But do you want to know who I really am?"
I heard Nac sigh. Why was she sighing? That sigh really bothered me, but I needed to just keep on watching who this Paul McCartney guy really is.
Suddenly, Paul morphed into Ule Gapa. Which shocked the fuck out of me, actually.
"Ule Gapa!" he laughed. "That's right! I hate you, Chester! I was the one who called you a 'stupid retard' at that movie theatre that one time. And you wanna know something? I'm not fucking sorry! Because I STILL feel that way about you! HA! And you know what else I'm not sorry for? Throwing shit all over that dumb blonde slut, Honey! AHAHAHA! Fuck all of you! I'm so glad Ned got fucking MASSACRED in my place and I can't wait to see you fucking die painfully, Chester! AHAHAHAHA!"
Honey began to cry and Riley immediately began to comfort her.
"Please don't listen to him! He's horrible!" Riley told her before shooting a glare at Ule Gapa.
Ule looked stunned. "I-I didn’t..."
He couldn't even finish his sentence before Chester got up and revealed he had his red mallet under the table the entire time.
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I WILL END YOU! HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME AND MY FRIENDS!" Chester shouted.
"W-Wait I-" Ule Gapa tried to reason with him, but Chester pounced on him and then began to violently bash his skull in with the mallet.
Ule screamed in agony as Chester smashed his skull repeatedly. After a while, Ule's brains began to splatter out, but Chester kept going.
"DIE! DIIIIIEEE!" Chester screamed as he continued to pound his head into the ground. He finally let him go and sat down next to him to catch his breath.
Everyone stood in complete mortified horror of what just happened, including myself. Regardless of how anyone feels, it's clear that Chester was dangerous.
"Well, you're definitely a murderer now." Tanezumi laughed. "Off to execution you go."
"I'm fine with that." Chester smiled as a giant robotic hand came out of the wall and grabbed him. "I killed my worst enemy!" he laughed.
The robotic hand carried him into this other room that began to open up and reveal itself to be like a giant stage. Chester laughed the entire time. Like an escaped axe murdering maniac who got caught and was being dragged off to a mental institution for the umpteenth time.
Celeste hugged onto my arm as I continued to watch on at the horrors that happened next.