Death On Wheels: Chapter 1

There it stood before me. The giant white vehicle obnoxiously decorated with various bright colored objects. With the backdrop of the bleak city around it, the fucking thing looked out of place. There were people already standing around it. I am assuming they are greatly anticipating this experience. I wasn't, of course. I may have been invited, but I was here for different reasons.


"Should we join them?" my friend asked in his croaky voice.


I sighed before taking a drag on my cigarette. I didn't answer him just yet. I don't think I was ready to answer him. We sat in silence for a moment longer before he spoke.


"Kev, listen, you know why we're here, and as soon as the stupid tour is over we'll confront him and force him to give us answers." he reassured me.


I took another drag of my cigarette before I spoke. "Yeah, but what if he doesn't know, Ned? What if we're attending this bullshit for nothing?"


"He knows. He has to. Nobody disappears in thin air like that." Ned reassured me, taking a drag of his cigarette before flicking it onto the pavement in front of us.


"Fine" I took one last drag of my cigarette before flicking it onto the pavement next to Ned's. "Let's go, then."


We made our way over to the group in front of the giant technicolor Uncle Grandpa RV and immediately I saw a few people I recognized. Most of the ones who recognized my presence, though, seemed to cower away. I'm not sure why, though. That's when I heard her voice.


"What? No way! How the hell did you get invited?" her shrill voice practically penetrated my ear drum. I'm pretty sure if she had been any louder I'd find my ears bleeding.


I turned to face her, and of course I was not surprised by what I saw. Black hair with red streaks, like as if she was trying to be hardcore while wearing an obnoxious yellow shirt with red polkadots and a pair of sunglasses printed across her bosom.


"Nac..." I unenthusiastically greeted her. "How did you get invited? Did you hack the database to find Uncle Grandpa's exact location and demand he make you one of the 20 lucky guests?"


"No!" Nac let out a laugh. "He recognized how big of a fan I was! Unlike you!"


"Try not kill people's ear drums with your fangirl bullshit. It's bad enough hearing you at lunch sobbing like a gross idiot over your laptop."


Nac stamped her foot before flipping me off and sticking out her tongue at me. Very childish.


I looked over to see if I knew anyone else, and I sure saw someone I knew.


"No! Please, dad! I don't want to go!" the acne covered boy pleaded as he clung onto an older man's leg.


"You got picked so you're going!" the older man commanded him in a gruff voice.


"I want to go back in my room! I'm still afraid! I'm not ready for this!" the boy cried, violently shaking his head. His mullet wildly thrashed around with him.


"I don't give a shit, Riley! You've spent enough time in that fuckin' shrink's office and it's about time you face your fears on your own!" the dad finally shoved him onto the ground.


The boy sobbed violently as he hugged his knees and rocked back and forth on the ground.


"Daddy, please!" he wheezed.


His father ignored him and just left the kid looking like a mess on the ground.


Riley used to be a good friend of mine, but ever since he got grounded, he never came back to school. I heard he developed extreme agoraphobia and wouldn't even leave his room. Of course, there was no doubt in my mind that Uncle Grandpa had some part in that.


As soon as I turned around to face the RV, the door swung open and a plump, old man did a backflip right out of it. He landed on top of the RV before out stretching his arms.


"GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!" the old man shouted in his annoyingly goofy voice.


"GOOD MORNING, UNCLE GRANDPA!" I heard the crowd shout back to him in unison, especially Nac, who began jumping up and down.


"Are you ready for the MOST AWESOMEST, EPICEST, EXTREMELY SUPER FASCINATING UG RV TOUR ADVENTURE SPECTACULAR?" he asked us.


"YEAH!" the crowd shouted back to him enthusiastically.


"YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!" Nac screeched out. I had to cover my ears. She was so fucking annoying.


"Well then, come on in!" a smooth voice invited us from the door. We looked over and saw a sandy-haired male with sunglasses leaning up against the door frame trying to look like the coolest thing since sliced bread.


"PIZZA STEVE!!!" Nac let out a shrill shriek before swooning and falling over. I heard another girl swoon and sigh about Pizza Steve as well. She has long golden hair and a huge grin plastered across her face.


Pizza Steve motioned for us to come into the RV. Everyone began to pile in. The most excited ones rushing to be in front and the more reluctant ones tagging behind.


"C'mon, Kev!" Ned motioned for me to follow, because we were pretty much the last in line to get in. I nodded and stood behind the group that was taking a bit to get into the RV. While waiting to get in, I looked back and saw Riley still hugging his knees on the ground. I felt really bad for him, and I almost wanted to go over there and help him up. Before I could feel too nice, though, a small girl with bangs over her eyes shuffled over to the shivering mess of a kid and held out her hand.


"Hey, please do not be scared. Everything is going to be okay." she reassured him with a gentle, soft-spoken voice.


Riley looked up at her before taking her hand and getting up.


"I don't like being outside..." he told her.


"Well we should get inside the RV then. C'mon!" she motioned for him to follow before approaching Ned and I in line.


The girl looked up at me for a second before immediately turning her head away and trying to hide under her puffy sweater sleeves. I'm not sure why people do not like my awesome punk style, because every time they see me they hide. I really intimidate people with my style, but maybe it's better that way.


Once we were inside the RV, Uncle Grandpa was standing there with a bunch of weird looking people that I assume are part of his RV crew.


"Welcome to the UG RV, everybody!" a pale person with light pink hair greeted us. What was strange about this guy was the fact he had a zipper for a mouth. I feel like I stepped into some surreal horror movie, to be honest.


"Now, we're almost ready to start, but before we get started, how about you all take the time to get to know each other" a tall, muscular, dark-skinned male suggested.


"You never know what kind of friends you'll make!" a short, trendy girl with cat ears told us before giving us a grin.


"It's time for an ICE BREAKEEEERRR" Uncle Grandpa did a little dance before motioning for us to follow him. We all followed him into this room that looked like a camp ground. There were some logs set up around a small fire pit.


"Please, have a seat! Make yourself at home!" the zipper-mouth invited us all to sit down. I wasn't so sure how I felt accepting hospitality from that creepy mother fucker.
None the less, we all sat down. I sat next to Ned and that little girl who helped Riley get into the RV. Riley sat next to Ned.


"Alright, here's how it goes! When I give you my eyeball, you're going to introduce yourself by telling us your name!" Uncle Grandpa told us before popping out his eyeball. "Ready?"


"That's disturbing, but also really cool!" a pale, scruffy looking guy with wolf ears said.


Uncle Grandpa handed his eyeball to a chubby looking kid. The kid wasn't even wearing a shirt.


"My name is Belly!" he told us before handing it off to a boy with a red checkered shirt who I recognized when I first joined the crowd.


"Adam's the name!" he told us before passing it off to the next person.


"Eddie!" a boy with an orange shirt told us with a hearty smile before handing off the eyeball.


"BRO-MAN-OR!" a large, muscular disgustoid with red skin shouted. They juggled the eyeball in their hands for a few moments before passing off the eyeball.


"Yvonne Smith, but you can call me Honey!" the blonde girl I saw earlier told us in a silvery voice before passing the eyeball off again.


"Sarah Nac! But you can just call me NAC" Nac began to tell us in her annoying voice. "And I am a HUGE fan of Uncle Grandpa!!!! Like-" before she could finish a small man with teddy bear ears and a beard took the eyeball from her.


"I do believe he said just a name will do, miss" he told her before clearing his throat. "I am Villefoe" he told us before nodding and dropping the eyeball into the next person's lap without even batting an eye. He looked very unenthusiastic, like almost more unenthusiastic than I could be.


"Chester Warbler Zarke" the wolf-eared guy told us before passing the eyeball off to the next person.


"Charlie Burgers! Woof Woof!" a shaggy haired boy with dog ears happily told us before putting the eyeball in his mouth. "I lahv bahls" he told us as his mouth was stuffed with the eyeball.


"Bad dog! Give it to the next person!" Uncle Grandpa scolded.


Charlie growled before spitting it into the hand of the muscular woman next to him. The woman stared at it for a moment before clenching her fist.


"Xarna" she told us before placing the eyeball into the lap of the next person.


"Ule Gapa!" the angry blue disgustoid told us before pointing an accusing finger at Uncle Grandpa. "WHO IS NOT YOU!" he yelled before angrily shoving the eyeball into the next person's lap.


"Akira's the name!" a small boy with a red shirt greeted us before handing the eyeball over to the next person.


"A-Austin!" the small, shaggy haired boy squeaked as he tried to hand off the eyeball.  Instead, it just slipped out of his hands and flew at the next person, who was Riley. Riley let out a shrill scream as he cowered away.


"I'm sorry!" Austin apologized.


Riley began to cry. "I-I'm...." he sobbed before taking a deep breath. "I'm Riley..."
He wouldn't even rejoin the circle. Ned had to scoot over to get the eyeball lying on the floor before introducing himself to everyone and giving the eyeball to me.


"Kev" I introduced myself briefly before giving the eyeball to the small girl sitting next to me. She reluctantly, but quickly, took the eyeball from me.


"C-Celeste!" she squeaked out before quickly passing it and gently placing it into the next person's lap.


"Gabriella!" a girl with wavy brown hair and braces waved at us before handing it over to the next person.


"Anthony" a tall and slender guy about my age with a jet black fringe and heavy black eye makeup told us. He handed over the eyeball to the last person.


"Mooon Man~" a dark skinned male with white hair geled up into a pompadour told us.
Pizza Steve immediately lowered his sunglasses and gave Mooon Man a grin as he raised his eyebrows. Mooon Man returned the gesture by lowering his own sunglasses and raising his eyebrows at him with a grin.


"Alright! Now that we know everyone's names, let's get on with the tour!" Uncle Grandpa told us as he put his eyeball back in and got up.


"Oh no you don't!" I heard a voice hiss. "Not after that snore fest I had to sit through!"
"NO!" Uncle Grandpa screamed. "IT CAN'T BE!"


"Oh it is~" the voice laughed.


"No way! I took every precautionary measure imaginable!" the zipper mouth slapped his hands over his cheeks.


"What the hell, man!" Steve groaned.


The rest of us were just confused. I could tell everyone had no idea what was going on. Was this part of the tour? Was this not? Who knows?


"I'm just that good! You can't keep me away, you know!" the voice laughed.


Before anyone could react, something sprang out from the corner of the room.